Rest, friend

I've worn those jersies!

2007-04-05T08:52:00.001-07:00

2006-11-26T17:19:00.000-08:00

Coffee is really bad stuff

REQ:

2006-11-26T17:12:00.000-08:00

Obsession – nearly
I’m your biggest fan
Bought all your albums

This letter is a request
I have all your prints
But haven’t found an original in my price range
It would mean the world to me

Don’t feel obliged though
I have nothing to give in return
And it would mean so much less without your charity

Also, (if you actually see fit to oblige!)
Please take your time
Your time is valuable to us both
In fact, even when complete,
You needn’t donate it immediately
Show the world first and benefit all you can
Only when it’s become useless to you

God knows it’s a futile obsession – nearly
(Your voice inspires me)

A journal entry

2006-10-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

Saturday, July 22, 2006, I started driving at noon. After a stop to send an email to HELC saying I was beginning my journey, I headed for Missoula. I arrived there about 6pm and went into a K-mart looking for a power inverter…ended up asking a dude at a gas station where the Wal-mart was and got a power inverter there…… Drove and slept by the Yellowstone river (after looking at a couple “Fisherman’s Access” places - labeled “Day use only”). Found a little spot by piles of barbed wire and telephone poles and brushed my teeth…slept in car about 11:30.

Woke up about 6:30 after a hearing a few trucks go by. I was a bit concerned that I was parked in someone’s backyard so I sat up to see a jack rabbit grazing beside the car and cow trucks going by. Got out stuff and fried a couple eggs for breakfast. Took some photos (jackrabbit, scenery, cranes), washed dishes, started driving. Talked to a few people on the phone, got gas….got gas (emailed from a hotel)...stopped in Miles City, Mt to have a look at the Holiday Inn Express that beat the Hunt Lodge in ratings…after Wal-Mart the car started making a wob wob noise so I became concerned. I found the uninteresting Holiday Inn (they must be cheaper!), and asked where a tire place was. They sent me back to Wal-Mart and the guys there didn’t think it was a tire thing but balanced my tires anyway (they were off). This didn’t fix the problem so I called home and jointly decided to head for Bismark, ND, and try to find a mechanic in the morning. I got to Bismark around 7pm and since it hadn’t gotten much worse, continued to about 30 miles shy of Fargo. I exited at the exit labeled “Ayr” and found a dirt road past a farm and slept by some red barns. Had cereal for breakfast, took some photos, and headed for Fargo. A got off the freeway a couple exits into Fargo and wondered around before finding a Goodyear tire shop…I asked them where a mechanic was and one of them went for a drive with me…their in house mechanic ended up confirming it was my passenger front wheel bearing. Called Dad…$180? Told mechanic to do it and then wandered around for a few hours…typed this bit.

2006-06-21T03:45:00.000-07:00

Where are the tall?

2006-04-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

Guilt inside
Locked doors
Hide
From the ones who care
Hide
From the ones who care

Open wide!
Ahhhh....
Inside
We're sick, hide...
From the doctor?

Love is why
I'm broken now
Their minds
So broken now
It hurts
Research, research to help
It's no help
To hiding lost patients

Remember the way out
It's through the scary doors
The dark nights, the bright lights
Give up! Carry yours!

Threatened by
A dimming sky
A shivering searching thought
A match by the sea
A burning tree
An escaped dog - shot

When does the nap begin?
Sleep means dreams live again.
(A sailor takes a wife
Finds an island and wrecks deliberately
Dances, sings, dies)
Dream dies
Dreams are lies
Cries

The broken are all the same
Shamed heroes without names
Blamed for lies - hide!
Cries cried
Pride!

We're all so small!
Barely able to crawl!
Stand up just to fall
And try our shaky legs again

The tall...where are the tall?
Too busy with work to call
I fall, I fall, I fall
The tall have too many children
Way too many children

Denied pride hides cries cried
Lies lied - A dream of a nap

I guarentee it

2006-04-26T18:36:00.000-07:00

Chalet turret – I made a bet
Down inside (the dungeon hide)
Won some but lost now
Found some but lost them now
I bet regret
Chalet turret – nothing yet
Have we met?
Never bet
Never bet

Song of Songs 8:6

Lovely video _ Beautiful character

2006-03-29T00:34:00.001-08:00

mewithoutYou-Paper Hanger
(click little play button)

Have mercy on us

2006-03-17T01:34:00.000-08:00

Innocence is the difference between a man and a boy
Every man is guilty
Boyhood dreams of a master-piece
Trampled and filthy

There is respect, though
For a well-worn tool
The dull and broken ones, though
Have been abused by a fool
I heard of a master painter
Whose talent was such
He painted a master-piece
With a broken brush
But I doubt, sometimes-I still doubt

Street gutters make poor drinking fountains
But an even poorer bed
I’ve drank and slept in the palace
This concrete hurts my head

Reality is guilty
Now I’m a man
(forgive us, please forgive us…)

Sounds Familyre

2006-03-11T11:06:00.000-08:00

ok, for those of you who appreciate asthmatic kitty and the sounds familyre...finally....a picture worthy of the Danielson Legacy! I'm sure it's been there for awhile but I just found it. It makes a brilliant wallpaper (you can almost see those fruits shaking back and forth as Brother freaks out). For anyone who didn't understand a word I just said, attending a Danielson concert is awesome if you're interested (enigmas demand only those who already understand, in part). Or try the mp3 sampler at above websites. Uh...and there's a new Danielson record, Ships, out soooooon (chords and notes and beats and repeating and stops and starts and singing words).

Respectable Lyrics

2006-03-06T14:12:00.000-08:00

Just found this song by Fear Before the March of Flames to be admirable:

"The Long Road To The Middle"

Is there nothing sacred anymore?

Raise your head and say:
WELL DONE,
WELL DONE,
WELL DONE.

Before they put you in a casket,
So you know that you were worth it.
Before they put you in a casket,
So you know that you were worth it.

Try keeping something to yourself for a change.
Said the boy who cried wolf,
"So you don't end up like me."
Sex, drugs, and rock & roll never looked so good.
Said the best fifteen minutes of your life,
To the future nine to five,
Forty-something family man.

Raise your head and say:
WELL DONE,
WELL DONE,
WELL DONE.

Raise your head and say:
WELL DONE,
WELL DONE,
WELL DONE.

How much do we lose? How much is gained?
How much do we lose? How much is gained?

How much do we lose? How much is gained?
How much do we lose? How much is gained?

Try keeping some things to yourself for a change.
Try keeping some things to yourself for a change.
How did you spend your fifteen minutes?
Fifteen minutes.

I'll try

2006-01-31T01:14:00.000-08:00

…if I failed, I must have tried.

Yet, my eyes are scars of wasted opportunities.

Now seems so hard.

…if I failed, I must have tried.

Yet, my eyes have something like scales.

Everyone failed. Everyone dies.

…If I fail, at least I’ll try.

Every note becomes nothing.

Yet, its energy heats the air.

…If I fail, at least I’ll die,

I’ll warm your throat like tea relaxes imperfectly.

(Remember now your creator in the days of your youth,

Before the difficult days come,

And the years draw near when you say,

“I have no pleasure in them” – Ecclesiastes 12:1)

I am a butterfly

2006-01-29T16:38:00.000-08:00

I am a butterfly

I am a monkey and someone just asked me to get the banana from the tree, but nah.

I am an elephant, and when the guy asked me to get the banana from the tree, I immediately went to the monkey since he can climb trees.

I am a monkey and the elephant just walked over here and asked me to get the banana from the tree. What is it with these people? They think since I’m a monkey I actually like to climb trees and get bananas? As if it was effortless! The elephant could probably just reach up there with that trunk and grab it. I bet he could just shake the thing until one came down!

I am an elephant and I keep trying to explain to the monkey that I need him to get me a banana from the tree for the man. He must not be understanding. All he’s doing is jumping up and down and making screeching noises. Maybe if I draw in the dirt with my trunk…

I am a monkey and this stupid elephant is really starting to get on my nerves. Hey elephant?! You think I’m stupid? I get it! You want me to climb the tree and get you a banana! Do you understand that it would be much easier for you? Is that supposed to be me? It looks like a bug attacking the moon! Ha! Hello?!!!

I don’t know about this monkey. He’s still not understanding and now he looks angry. I better watch it, I’ve seen him climb trees. I bet he could run right up my trunk and claw my eye!

WOOOugh…Settle down elephant. It’s fine. You can just put that big ominous trunk back hanging down where it belongs. I’ll just go over this way slowly. Hey! There’s a butterfly up there on that banana. I love butterflies! If this crazy elephant wasn’t trying to kill me I’d climb up there and have a look.

...

I am a butterfly. The monkey and the elephant have been going at it for a while. Wonder what the problem is? It’s just a shame the master hasn’t got his banana yet. Don’t know what I can do. Maybe if I fly down there I can talk some sense into them. But how will they hear me over their screeching and stomping?

Guess I’ll try.

...

I’m an elephant and I don’t think life could get any worse. First the monkey’s raging around, could jump on me at any time, and now there’s a butterfly headed straight at me. I can’t handle butterflies. Yes I can. Just relax elephant, they said it can’t hurt you.

Yaaaay elephant! You’re finally listening to me! I like that trunk much better down here. Oh hey! The butterfly’s coming down as well! Finally some luck. Maybe I’ll get to see it after all. Right Mr. Butterfly, just land someplace and spread out those pretty wings. Oh….wait…looks like he’s landing…. I’m coming Mr. Butterfly!

...

I am a butterfly and I thought that maybe if I landed close enough to the elephant’s big ears he would probably hear me. So I did. I’m not sure exactly what happened after that. I guess I just didn’t get there soon enough. I guess the monkey had had enough talking and went at the elephant or something. All I remember is the elephant screaming…monkey jumping around…next thing I remember the elephant had completely snapped the tree off and the monkey was at the top holding on for dear life. I’m just glad the master didn’t get hit in all the commotion. I guess he was standing right there. Why was he smiling at me? Too bad I didn’t get to talk to the elephant, I bet I could have prevented the whole thing.

...

I’m an elephant, and in retrospect, that filthy monkey is soooo lucky that guy was standing there between us after I knocked that tree over. I should have smashed them both. At least I got some bananas.

I’m a monkey…remember that guy from before? He gave me a banana. I guess he had had his cause he gave the rest of them to the elephant. Huh, he seems a nice a guy. Wait! ?? How did he climb the tree? Where’s that butterfly?

Cheer up lad...

2006-01-22T01:51:00.000-08:00

Times past, a day's work brought relief fast,
A home, a reflection, an accomplishment....
Apparently sipping tea/enjoying a new cd,
Isn't nearly enough for society (let him be educated)

I asked for an honest opinion from the world and received it,
It said trying harder won't acheive it, no one beleived it, am I a fool?
Let me be educated, I guessed,
Found myself depressed
Nearly died.
Ph.D?
It's just for money.

One day I was sitting in the cafeteria when my friend walked up and sat beside me. He had a tray full of pig slop and I thought it pertinent to at least comment. His response, however, was quite unexpected; he spit slop in my face and said he rejected the idea that any food was inferior to another. After a few awkward hours of silence, I asked him if I could try a bit as the spit might have been tainted. He oinked. I think it meant no.

Please forgive me for my bitter state.
The pig spit has stained my face and lost me a mate.
I'm learning how to stain others now, it's quite the thrill.
I've aquired the art of relieving myself through abuse of Advil.
(Three cheers for the stressed out dependent! Here's a degree. Cheer up lad...)

Keep in touch

2005-12-18T03:25:00.000-08:00

I don't keep in touch with my friends much. Always seem to need more time for me. I'm usually hungry and tired. Back usually hurts. Mind tethered from the selfishness I've weathered; when will I be free? Home is what I really want but haven't found...Dear Jesus soothe this self-battered soul and stop me spinning round. I write the same thing for years with little spots of sun; I've failed and failed and failed and failed and You, You won.
"I marvel that you returned so soon..."
I don't keep in touch with friends much...but on you I spit and swore.
Sever again, my sprit from them. The darkness sees light - a twilight. A kiss - forgiveness. I rest with You at our home in the countryside. We explore the hills and make plans. When I wander off, please reprimand.

Older Things

2005-12-05T01:05:00.000-08:00

I came across some old photo-shopping I did and thought they were postable...the originals were all photos I took.

More Carousel

2005-12-04T21:14:00.000-08:00

Some of the figures for my nearly completed carousel...I look forward to posting a photo of the completed project, because it is beautiful!

Indebted Musings

2005-12-02T15:46:00.000-08:00

What is a slave and how does one become one?

Is it possible a slave was made for that purpose, like clay for molding? If a slave is made for slavery, then one would think slavery would be the ideal situation for a slave. A complaining slave, then, should be told to suck it up as there’s nothing better for them.

If slaves are made for slavery, who’s producing them? Is it possible their creator is inefficient and uses a flawed design? If so, then it’s very possible a slave could find something other than slavery for which they are better suited. In this case, a slave should be encouraged to experiment and find their best-suited lifestyle; but then, they’re a slave, they don’t get that option.

Artistic Liberties

2005-12-02T15:01:00.000-08:00

I wrote the following account for a manuscript reading in my speech class. Some of it may be a bit exaggerated or even false, but for the most part this is what happened. If either of my "sick friends" have any concerns as to the accuracy of it, please let me know! I guess it's more misleading than inaccurate.

-----------------------------------

My hands were red and completely frozen from bracing myself on the sharp rocks – definitely the strongest wind I had ever braved. As I struggled around the rim to the very topmost rock, I imagined my body as a hand stuck out the window of speeding car. This was very similar, I thought, my body leaning and falling against the powerful but inconsistent wind, rocks scraping and bruising me with every slip.

This was the adventure of a lifetime, and I was about to learn something that would change mine forever.

Just out of high school, I had flown to Amsterdam and boarded a medical ship en-route to West Africa to do development work. We had stopped for ten days on the island of Tenerife in the Canary Islands. Sixteen of my friends and I had rented cars and set off for a day-hike up the island’s 10,000 foot creator – El Tiede, the volcano. As we ascended, however, we realized the tropical coast hadn’t prepared us for the frigid alpine climb, and slowly the exhausted group shrank to five. The winds grew stronger and stronger, and in a short while, we would run out of daylight. Two of my friends started feeling sick, and we all came to the realization that we couldn’t make it to the top.

Dejected, we began our descent. I was, by far, the most disappointed, but I saw no way around it. The rest of our party was already waiting at the rental cars that were due the next morning. We had no warm clothes, no food, and no shelter. Fortunately, my sick friend was thinking, and he was far more creative than I; puking and exhausted, he hatched a plan that would give him some rest.

There was a bungalow part-way down the volcano; moments later, I found myself and my two sick friends begging the Spanish-speaking owner with hand signals to let us stay for the night. We weren’t sure how we would make the long trek down and the two-hour trip back to the ship the next day, but we jumped out onto the limb – my two sick friends, for rest; me – to overcome the odds and make it to the top.

And now I was on a volcano, above the clouds off the coast of Africa. I was hungry, cold, exhausted, and alone. The only food I had eaten was some soup broth and a wafer some Spanish boy scouts had given to us the night before. The clouds were blowing through and past me, mixing with the blinding phosphorus gas jetting from three or four vents in the crater. I pushed myself into a small enclave and attempted to take a picture with my frozen hands. This was it, I thought, “I’m the only one to make it.”

After a moment of silence, my thoughts returned to my cold body, my malfunctioning knee, and my empty stomach. Side-stepping back down the loose cinders, I focused on the sun now risen above the sea of clouds below me. In the next moment the whole journey became a metaphor for my life, and I began questioning God about whether he would be there for me if I took my life to places others feared. Should I live in defiance of the odds? Would God be there to take care of me?

As I stumbled down the mountain, conversing with the sky, I noticed a small piece of plastic hiding under a rock on the path before me. In a moment of appreciation for the beautiful surroundings, I decided to remove the litter and dispose of it properly, but as I approached and knelt to pick it up, I found it was more than just plastic.

Now, at this point, I had no idea how I could make it back to civilization. I was in a foreign country and they spoke a foreign language. I had no map to find my way back to the port and no way of knowing how to find a place to eat and sleep until I made it back. But there I was, alone, on the side of a volcano, holding in my hands a beautiful ham and cheese sandwich.

Would God provide for me? I pulled the sandwich out of the plastic bag and smelled it – it seemed ok. How had it got under the rock? One of the boy scouts could have left it, I guess. I really have no idea. But that sandwich was more than just food.

When I enjoyed it with my two now-rested and jovial friends a couple hours later, I reflected on the provision of shelter and food where before I had seen only a barren cinder cone.

The three of us spent the rest of the day hiking, hitch-hiking, and taking wrong buses until we made it back to our ship that night. No one really noticed we were missing, but we knew where we had been; that we had conquered and could do the impossible with a little faith, a little pain, and a lot of help from our creator. Have you braved any fierce and daunting volcanoes? He’ll be waiting there for you.

World AIDs Day

2005-11-22T17:20:00.000-08:00

I found this quite valuable. www.worldvision.com/AIDstest
Happy Thanksgiving.

Relevant Ambiguity

2005-11-09T01:10:00.000-08:00

I bought the ticket with hesitance. The guy after me didn’t think. “He has friends there,” I thought. This necessitated an internal deliberation on the meaning of “friend,” and my conclusion did little to distract me from the dream betrayal in progress. I guess if I die and live a life like everyones’, I’ll be a part of something.

Hours into the journey I gave up on the window and began scanning the rows for a like mind – not that I would relate with them though. My type wouldn’t want to. Still, it would have been nice to have known she was present.

What else to do? Stare folk down and make them uncomfortable? Not enough energy. Sleep against the cold window? Too loud. Too bumpy. What is a friend really?

Writing my thoughts seemed to help clarify, so I wrote. Pages. I’m sure I looked intelligent to her. I guess intelligence wasn’t enough. In any case, I realized “friend” wasn’t the debate, and “home” was a much more relevant ambiguity. It was then that my friend interrupted me.

“Where you headed?” she asked.

“Same as you, I guess,” I said with my intelligent/confident smile and eyebrow movement combo. Then the questions kept coming and I kept eating the attention. Eventually I ate her and it was all over.

worthwhile

2005-11-06T13:00:00.000-08:00

Nice web log...contains decent resolutions of many historic and otherwise high quality photos such as this one by Jorge Rueda Aleria. The webmaster appears to have access to high res images from magnum photos and is posting them.

Be sure to look in the archives as well (all one of you who visit my blog).

http://celticbrushes.blogspot.com/

It's Death, I know

2005-11-06T02:02:00.000-08:00

Little photoshop fun. Now if only I could make things look this way on purpose...

2005-11-03T02:01:00.000-08:00

www.archive.org how did I miss its existence?

One beautiful photo

2005-10-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

Well, if you too would like a picture of a mime shooting with a mime gun...
http://bilan.usherbrooke.ca/voutes/voute4/p622119-a.jpg

Free and good book

2005-10-19T00:53:00.000-07:00

So I read this book a few years ago and found it inspiring. Now I see I can download it for free! It's about a guy that started a punk band for Christian ministry in Amsterdam.

http://www.steiger.org/books/lionsden/Den.PDF

-you should be able to right click that and choose "save link as" or something like that to download it. Left clicking will open it.

More Carousels

2005-10-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

More work on my Carousels project (see below). I'm thinking it will be a carousel/merri-go-round with humans riding fantastic figures and animals riding fantastic human beings. In the center will be a man standing (spinning in place) with three heads or faces. This was my initial visualization of this concept...

Betrayal Intersection

2005-10-11T23:52:00.000-07:00

I wrote this soon after watching “House of Flying Daggers.” I’m pretty sure that movie had some deep meaning but I really don’t know what. So I opted for the post-modern and siphoned my own from it.

Dagger in the back – stabbed in the heart
You were watching all along
Fight for me, I run from you
Like Judas, “I belong!”

What’s the difference between left and right?
They’re both well-worn, both bend out of sight…
I’ve never been, so how can I know?
Seed shoved dead into dirt, I watch others grow:
“This is my choice, I’ll make it alone”

Sun’s now gone
Dark
Shivering
Cold mud
No one
…

I remember the warmth
The beach
The waves
Innocence
…

Every agreement has two sides
Every argument one
I’ve taken the wrong path so many times!
(Betrayal intersection has lost its fun)

Carousels, Ben & Art?

2005-10-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

I’ve been assigned the task of creating a visual work of art from the following mewithoutYou song…I think I’m going to make a landscape with two carousels – one representing religion and one representing capitalism. Should be good….

“On a bus ride into town, I wondered out loud, "Why am I going to town?"
As I looked around at the billboards and the stores I thought, "Why do I look around?"
And I kissed the filthy ground...the first dry spot I found...
I didn't have to wonder why I was laying down. ”Before long I was too cold...took a bus back to the station,
I found a letter left by a pay phone with no return contact
And it read like a horn blown by some sad angel,
"Bunny, it was me...it was me who let you down"
It was the shyest attempt I'd ever seen at conversation.
”But if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai,
Counting the plates of cars from out-of-state,
How I could jump in their path as they hurry along!
And You surround me, You're pretty but You're all I can see
Like a thick fog...
If there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.
”And St. Cyril's fair always came through the first week of September
But it's already the 19th...and there's no sign of it...
Yet I have a hard time remembering all the things I should remember
And a hard time forgetting all the things that I was supposed to forget.
And, Christ, when You're ready to come back,
Then I think I'm ready for You to come back;
But if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
That's okay, too...it's, it's really none of my business.
”And if I didn't have You as my guide, I'd still wander lost in Sinai
Or down by the tracks watching trains go by
To remind me: there are places that aren't here.
And I had a well but all the water left,
So I'll go ask Your forgiveness with every breath,
And if there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body...so long, dear.”

2005-10-01T15:23:00.000-07:00

Painful creates

Distaste in common hates

“Just food, please”

But continues and time

Eats the purposeful rhyme

“just me, it’s all I have”

Question’s debated

In art, in part

“answers-questions questions”

“Not species, kingdom, get it right.

It’s by spirit, not might.

Perspective matters less when you look right.”

Why beats how for fun

My muscles are undone

2005-10-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

RAs

2005-09-29T00:49:00.000-07:00

So I think I got the picture posting down now. This is an exciting picture including all the resident assistants for my building (Theopholus Tower). This was after our end-o-training dinner.
I feel pretty old sometimes.

The Kinks, and I don't mean the band

2005-09-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I can do text for this thing really easy but the campus network seems to be blocking my picture upload capabilities. I’ll get it figured out eventually. I guess no one knows this thing exists yet so it really doesn’t matter. Goodbye me.

2005-04-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

Shaun and I explore

2005-04-30T09:01:00.001-07:00

kitchenette

2005-04-30T09:01:00.000-07:00

cat tails

In intro

2005-04-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

my alter ego has got the best of me
fort knox has tried to be
but failed